Equine & Rabbit

So following on from my pre-Christmas post of 17 Dec approx, Shaun came home on 21 December and we got through Christmas and out the other side into the New Year, moving our lives into the sleepout.  District Nurses now come once a week to change dressings and we head into hospital when things go wrong with Shaun’s biliary drainage system (which seems often) – another trip into the hospital today for that purpose.

We had issues with getting regular supplies of Shaun’s nutritional supplement Nutrijuice and now I have to expensively buy it retail ($95 for about 20 bottles) instead because the hospital staff can’t seem to get their heads around getting a hospital dietician to do a script for Shaun to get it cheaper….getting things done in the Public Hospital System I have found is increasingly slow and often forgotten about by nurses and doctors.

Shaun is still to get approval from AIA re getting income protection insurance to start up but there isn’t really a way they can say no….so we still wait to get approval for that to start.  We have confirmation letters etc from Gwenda Ward for the insurance company.

Shaun talks about what he is going to do now he won’t be doing real estate (aside from an advisory role in that path)….he may do up classic cars or something in that direction.  He’s done a lot of Netflix car programme-watching since he came home I must admit.

On other un-related topics, the world has gone a little crazy outside of our own medical filled days….with protestors at the White House protesting against the new presidency swearing in of Joe Biden and Donald Trump typically isn’t in any hurry to leave the White House!  A new strain of Coronavirus meant the UK went back into Stage 4 or 5 Lockdown again….and a vaccine for the initial strain is currently being sent out around the world though in limited doses so far.

Christmas was a non-event in the end…Jesse got money and with it he bought a new / old car prior to Christmas which of course will need things done to it….I gave him $1350 for this and some vouchers.  Shaun I gave a moving digital picture frame thing, some framed photos, he got vouchers also and money.  Jesse gave me a cute hare tea towel.

Shaun has had some issues with vomiting and so we have to be ultra careful with his diet avoiding dairy and red meat, small meals many times a day/grazing works well.  I am looking at all forms of food and cancer diets.  Keto and paleo are actually recommended for cancer patients, cutting out carbohydrates and sugar – but for now Shaun is losing so much weight that whatever he eats that stays down is good value right now….seemingly things like pavlova without the cream, plain potato chips, toast and honey, seed bars, crackers with hummus or peanut butter etc, lemon, peppermint or ginger tea with honey etc.  Meals consist of a small amount of fish or chicken with baked or steamed vegetables, sometimes home made soup or broth, dessert has progressed to things like a small slice of apple slice for example, or berries and pavlova, or simply an ice-block and peaches.

I’ve got a host of health and cancer books and have had delivered yesterday a cancer supplement called Avemar which is a fermented wheatgerm extract known for its anticancer properties; and used in conjunction with cancer treatments like chemo and radiation has a very good success rate.  I’m considering and was advised also that if Shaun takes this supplement PRIOR to even starting cancer treatments, it will build up in his system and make treatment more tolerable.  My only concern is Shaun is on blood thinners and this product can increase the risk of bleeding like NSAIDS or aspirin does.  However starting off small may be the way to go with taking one pill a day instead of the recommended 5 pills in the morning and 5 pills at night.

Today is Friday 8 January and we will again head into hospital because Shaun’s biliary drainage tubes are again blocked and leaking in all the wrong places!  We’ll go in early, see if we can get full blood work done, drains looked at etc.  Its a never ending worry.  Two days ago we were in the hospital for ‘leaking’ drainage tube issues and they took the drainage tubes out of Shaun’s body and re-inserted some larger ones.  When we got home Shaun went into shock and shook for about an hour before calming down.  Then the tubes would not drain at all!  It was very weird….then they started to leak at the joins!  After ringing the district nurse we decided they couldn’t do much as nurses….so back to the hospital today we will go to see the doctors instead.

Since Shaun came home prior to Christmas, we made the slow move of Jesse moving into the house and Shaun and I moving into the sleepout.

Then Matt Fraser from Auckland Scientology Centre came down and did some processing and auditing to try and establish where the root cause of Shaun’s cancer might have come from….Matt stayed at a Bed & Breakfast around the corner in Longlands Road and was great help to Shaun.  He will come back in February to do more auditing.

Aside from Matt we have had a stream of visitors…regular visits from Avram (who is taking over Shaun’s real estate business), Michelle and Lynda (Shaun’s PAs), some guys Shaun shore sheep and farmed with back in his Kimbolton days (Kesty Manning, Chris Simpson and Richard Beard), some Property Brokers people (Mike Shaw, Grant Bailey, Paul Roache and his partner Lisa Drysdale), Len and Pam and Lisa (Shaun’s dad, stepmother and sister) who came for three days…to name a few.  Cheryl Scott will be the next visitor and Wendee and Ken (friends of mine from Hamilton) were supposedly coming two days ago…but did not arrive (not unsurprising).

As for Jesse, he continues working at Reduced to Clear but has been contacted by the EIT lady who sent his CV off to Village Eurocars for a possible mechanic apprenticeship there.  This seemed to go no further until Mike Shaw popped in there yesterday and they had misplaced Jesse’s CV and now want to see him and get another CV delivered….the only thing is Jesse now wonders whether he might instead be better off working at Rosser Road Poultry Farm (his friend Tracey Clay’s parents business) where they have lost some workers recently….the money is good there, the hours though very early.  Personally I think Jesse should still drop his CV into Village Eurocars and will do that myself if he doesn’t because I feel mechanics is his life’s purpose somehow and its disappointing that he dallies around when given the opportunity because apprenticeship money is poor.

For me, I tentatively restarted my Medical Transcription course again but haven’t done a hell of a lot (understandably).  I have an extension now and it will get done I hope.  If I don’t finish it well, so be it.  My life has changed so drastically that it is very possible I may struggle to get to the end.  But we will see….this course will in fact give me the opportunity to pursue a path working from home as a transcriptionist so it would be well worth me completing it.

I’ll still be working doing databasing at Property Brokers also and many of the jobs I used to do but now for Avram instead of Shaun.

I got my Level 3 Animal Care (Lifestyle Block Animals) Certificate which was great!  Another certificate under my belt   I may use it I guess….if even just for petsitting work in the future or for setting up some kind of wild rabbit care facility one day.  Now that is a new thought and one worth pursuing…

OK off to the hospital….back in days to come for another update.

Well things had been slowly progressing since the second biliary drainage tube was put in for Shaun and a lot more ‘yellow’ has drained out and his urine is turning lighter also.  However recently he has had some breathing issues and so further scans were booked for today to ascertain whether he is suffering from a blood clot or not.  This will be determined hopefully in the next day or so.

It seems it never rains but it pours at times and every time the doctors come into the room I brace myself for more bad news.  Admittedly some of the time they have good news – on the rare occasion – like the dropping bilirubin levels and so forth they told us of today (80 now….was up past 100 but levels need to drop below 50 to be considered ‘normal’)

The second drainage tube is working well and Shaun looks a lot less yellow currently however.  Joan and Anne and Ella visited yesterday (finally) but stayed only for some hours and then went home again.  They brought a cat up by mistake who had hidden in the workings of Anne’s car and travelled all the way up!

Also another good sign is Shaun is no longer on IV for any drugs but simply takes them by pill form now….this will be good for when he comes home and he can take his pills via drug form at the stipulated hours

I queried doctors as to why he hadn’t been offered a liver transplant but apparently if you have cancer of the type Shaun has, then a liver transplant isn’t possible….its due to the type of bile duct cancer he has and whether cancer may be anywhere else in the body or something like that and the body needing to accept the new liver and the body’s immune responses ….basically the ‘reasons’ they gave me are all over my head – but they are basically saying no – a liver transplant isn’t possible.  I wanted to argue the fact but felt my knowledge wasn’t up the same standards theirs was.

There has been many and varied visitors ranging from Len and Pam and Lisa, Craig, Tim and Guy Mordaunt, Paul Roache, Gary Nesdale, Cheryl Scott, Toastmaster people, Michelle, Lynda, Avram, Rob Nankervis, Jenness Clarke to name a few.  Scientology people like Matt Fraser come up on Friday…Len and Pam will return end of December etc

Shaun is selling his real estate business to Avram Deitch and is going to show me how to be ‘financially’ savvy when he is home again as my knowledge of everything financial is so bad that I need further instruction on this going forward.

Jesse will move out of the sleepout into the house, Shaun and I will get the pool table dismantled and turn the pool table room into a lounge, pop in a couch etc

I had a visit from Simon Halford who dropped off some cherries from his orchard for Shaun and also I’ve been supplying Shaun with a lot of berries (berries are v good for you and its summertime so there are plenty around)

Also Property Brokers dropped off some ready meals from Angel Food Co which was nice and Shaun has had back and forth communication with Iain Taylor and Tony Cochrane re accounts, updating his will, selling his business, getting his income protection insurance and so on and so forth.  He has been a busy boy.

Tim Scott who has been a client of Shaun’s in the past dropped off a box of sparkling water which was nice today

Various properties have sold recently which has given him a boost in his bank account which will help when he is no longer doing real estate anymore.  I worry about money consistently though Shaun tries to assure me it will be OK

I will continue to help out Avram with databasing stuff and Lynda and Michelle will be kept in with jobs too because they will work for Avram instead of Shaun going forward.

So that is the latest….will be back with another update and hopefully good news (of some kind at least)

Christmas is just around the corner and I am ill prepared so that will be my focus soon….not that Christmas will be much of a Christmas this year, it will be very small scale only.

So….let’s recap since my post of 3 December.  Shaun has a biliary drainage tube draining bile from his liver currently and a second one is being inserted today as the portal for the first one is either playing up, blocked, or no more bile can come out of that area of the liver

So today he undergoes another surgical procedure to insert a second drainage tube.  When bile is drained, and tubes are eventually cut off and stents put in the bile ducts instead to keep them open, then Shaun can come home but this is weeks away, probably after Christmas now due to blockages, infections, and so on happening….his best place to be is in the hospital.  Intravenous drugs are marvelous….I can’t provide the same IV drugs at home so in the hospital he stays currently.  He has been moved three times to different rooms!  Now currently in room 418 where he will probably stay.

Shaun has been a busy boy – he is selling his real estate business to Avram Deitch; along with the girls who will keep working for Avram; he has updated his Will and had Avram, Iain Taylor, Joe Snee (Regional Manager) and Tim Mordaunt (Property Brokers ex Principal/since retired) in for an overall meeting on how his business structure should be taken over.  Infections come and go for him, Shaun’s temperature rises and falls, antibiotics are regularly given and the various other medications and drugs on a regular basis.  His mind is incredibly alert through all of this.

Its been a routine of 2-3 hours at the hospital every morning and again every night.

I have organised Justin Bray to deal with the drenching and dagging of the lambs; I have online groceries ordered, I had meticulous maids come and do a full clean, Heather to do some gardening.  Things will keep ticking over at home because they have to.  Jesse and friends cleaned out the new shed for Shaun; and we did a clean out of some of the pump shed.  There is more cleaning and sorting to do….if anything a diagnosis like this ones pumps you into action to tidy things up around the property.

Sadly there has been a noticeable lack of support from my biological family (mother, sister) who weren’t going to even come up until after Christmas, but other people have been great, Len and Pam and Lisa this week visiting, Property Brokers staff visiting, Toastmasters peole visiting.  Sometimes I have to wonder about my family…..I just….my husband is terminal and they still have to be dragged to Hawke’s Bay and its only 2.5 hours from the Manawatu.  After some cajolling that they might not see Shaun again if they don’t come up prior to Christmas, my sister is begrudgingly coming up (I think) next week with my niece Ella.  I doubt my mother will come up still…. she doesn’t like people’s driving.  She doesn’t like being in lifts (Shaun is on the 4th floor of the hospital) and can’t go up the stairs anymore.  The bottom line is she is 82 years old and doesn’t go further than Feilding at the most.  My 82 year old auntie is more mobile in the sense that she drives further and comes to Hawkes Bay on other occasions….but even she doesn’t appear to want to come up.   To be honest, I haven’t understood this at all a lack of empathy…. I have no other immediate biological family and its quite sad that they show this type of attitude that even though my husband is terminal and wants to see people, they still won’t drive the 2.5 hours to Hawke’s Bay to see him! (when my sister will do this any other time of the year no problem at all – so long as its on her terms).

Enough about that, I give up on that aspect right now….I feel embarrassed and sad for Shaun that my own family are behaving like that.  But such is life.  If they don’t see him again alive when they had the chance to, then that is their loss that they will have to live with.

I feel angry and sad and emotions are up and down and up and down.  Let’s see what further days bring….

So here I am, no longer worried about silly things like gaining weight because today I weighed in at 53.9 kg through no effort at all.  Why?  My husband Shaun (after only a mere few weeks of being ill) has been diagnosed with terminable inoperatable liver/bile duct cancer.

This diary outlines a day to day account of what happened and what is going to happen next.

Initially let’s go back a month or so….Shaun had increasing back and shoulder pain which he could not get on top of via physio and chiropractor, massage etc.  He put it down to an old shoulder injury and tried alternative ways to treat it including touch assists via scientology….to no avail.  Was on a fairly constant stream of voltaren until the pharmacist said they could sell him no more unless he saw his doctor first.

Fast forward from that he started experiencing other symptoms, night sweats, weight loss, vomiting etc….thought he had a bad stomach bug.  These symptoms excacerbated and so finally he went to the doctor.

Initial Locum Doctor said “yes its a bug, here is some muscle relaxants, and some more voltaren” and sent him on his way.

No improvement except over the course of the next week he got worse, started turning yellow, rapidly losing weight, dark urine, pale stools, scratching etc….back to the doctor he goes to undergo further tests for hepatitis, leptospirosis, and other disorders that affect the liver and cause similar symptoms

All these bloods came back clear – but as symptoms progressed, Shaun underwent an ultrasound at the Hastings Health Centre….this is when they told him he had a blocked bile duct and probably was a big old gallstone!  We were so hoping this was the case!

Not so easy….from ultrasound they then booked him in for a catscan.  It was only then that they re-diagnosed him with a nasty 7cm localised (at least the other organs looked fine with no sign of cancer spread) tumour on his liver decompressing his bile ducts.

Official diagnosis is bile duct cancer but I guess that comes from the growing tumour on his liver decompressing the bile ducts to some extent (excuse my lack of medical knowledge at this point).  Official name: cholangiocarcinoma

Results from the catscan were basically summed up as follows:

CT chest/abdo/pelvis: Heart and mediastinum appear normal.  No enlarged mediastinal or hilar lymph nodes.  The lungs are clear.  No suspicious focal lung lesion.  There is an ill-defined low density 6 cm mass lesion in segment 8 and 4 of the liver.  There is marked intrahepatic biliary dilatation, more of the left system.  The common duct is not dilated and difficult to identify.  The gallbladder is decompressed.  No radiopaque calculus is noted.  The portal vein is patent.  Celiac trunk, SMA and IMA appear normal.  The pancreas appears normal.  Spleen, adrenal glands and kidneys appear normal.  There are subcentimetre up to 6 mm a enhancing lymph nodes in porta hepatis and along the celiac axis.  No enlarged abdominal pelvic lymph nodes.  No free fluid.  No gross bowel abnormality.  No suspicious focal bony lesion.  No evidence of distant metastases.

Comclusion: Large liver mass and intrahepatic biliary dilatation down to the hepatic duct junction is very suspicious for malignancy such as cholangiocarcinoma

After that, the medical powers that be decided perhaps Auckland medical specialists could operate on the tumour and try and remove it….they sent Shaun’s notes to Auckland to ascertain what could be done up there.

During this time Shaun was admitted to hospital (a week ago now as I write this) for a bile duct drainage process where they put a tube down into his liver and drain the bile out through his body via a tube / catheter into a bag.  This doesn’t come without its own set of risks and infection soon set in (common in such procedures) and so Shaun was put on multiple courses of antibiotics as well as other intravenous drugs including opioids, drugs to calm the stomach and reduce acidity, drugs to aid in resultant constipation, drugs for this and drugs for that…a constant, constant stream of medications.

Of concern also was that his bile was not turning a ‘black gold’ colour as it came out of his body and down the catheter into the external bag and was too light which eventually rectified itself.

Basically (information from doctor internet here) – “if the bile duct becomes blocked, the bile cannot drain normally and backs up in the liver.  Signs of blocked bile ducts include jaundice (yellowing of the skin), dark urine, light stools, itching, nausea and poor appetite.  Inserting a fine plastic drainage tube (catheter) through the skin (percutaneous) into the obstructed bile duct, past the obstruction and into the duodenum (intestine).  This relieves the congestion in the blocked duct by allowing the bile to drain externally into a collecting bag as well as draining internally in the normal way.”

On Thursday 3 December 2020 Shaun was told his tumour was inoperable and therefore terminal ultimately (no time frames are given in these instances for length of life left) – and his only course of action was chemotherapy to prolonge his life as radiation could not be performed either.

Also he will undergo biliary stenting ie (excerpt from doctor internet here) – ‘sometimes the biliary drainage procedure may be extended with the placement of a permanent plastic or metal stent across the site of the bile duct blockage.  Stents are usually inserted a few days after the initial drainage procedure and they keep the narrowed duct open without the need for a catheter’ (catheter I am assuming is the tube leading to a bag as Shaun has currently).

On Friday 4 December (today basically as I write this) Shaun will undergo a biopsy via catscan procedure so they can take a sample of the liver and see exactly what they are dealing with in terms of the type of cancer he has.

Stenting involves dilating a segment of bile duct to open it up basically…I don’t know the ins and outs of such a procedure but I am sure I will find out more in days to come.

So this is my story from hereon.  You can be rest assured of regular updates from here, even daily now.  I’ve gone from blogging once a year (!) to now feeling like I must have some control over my life and my husbands and blogging once a day from hereon I hope.

I’ll be in touch later on or tomorrow with an update.  This is where our lives change forever.

OK….so things are going slowly in the diet and exercise plan for me so far.  I started off like a rocket – I’d done a round of cycling and weed collecting and hardly eaten until lunchtime on the first day of Sunday.  I lost a little weight and then regained it on the third day (Tues) by eating far more, not exercising and it was a stressful day head-wise with a nasty locked up neck.  So I was kind of vulnerable that day, had an over load of work, had had little sleep and basically was surviving.  Add to that some bad food choices (sausages for tea) and a slight relapse.  By today (Wednesday) I had picked up the pace again, managed a treadmill regime this morning and weighed in at 55.8 kg (increasing to 56.1 kg after my shower due to mere body absorption of water).  Diet was eggs and egg white, konjac noodles with tomato sauce, salad with dressing, fruit, lots of water, coffee.  Not too bad.  Small amounts of sugar too but making an effort to cut down on sugar and salt.  So today Wed weighing in at 55.8 kg after my treadmilling was very cool – cool to see that 55 number again – oh how I have missed it.  Realistically I am a sensible person, I eat well but I have a sweet tooth and a salty tooth too if that makes sense…my intake of both has always been considerable and now reducing it should make all the difference as I head towards my milestone birthday next March 2021 when I turn 50.  I have some goals to achieve by then and this is simply one of them.  I’ll also be way way fitter by then all going to plan.  So here I am at day four and all back on track

It’s been a year or two since I posted anything….wow!  So here I am back again – older and not necessarily any wiser.  Its mid 2020 (August), we survived Covid-19 (no need to talk about that, it will go down in the history books no doubt), I am still working in rural real estate doing Admin for Shaun at home and at the office; I’ve one paper left to complete my Certificate of Animal Care Lifestyle Block Animals Level 3; I’ve started a Petsitting business (have one regular Property Brokers client – things are slow – to begin with); I’ve been rehabilitating orphaned wild rabbits for the past two years …and since all my domestic rabbits have now passed, I have three fully adopted wildies (and started up a Page attributed to them on facebook). Also I start a six month Medical Transcription Course in November !

Jesse has left EIT where he did Level 2 Automotives and (most) of Level 3 Automotives but became a little tired with his course, leaving early and then worked in an orchard, at Bunnings, at Super Cheap Auto, and now works currently at Reduced to Clear Grocery Store; Shaun remains working in Lifestyle Real Estate at Property Brokers (but watch this space on that); we sold two of our rental properties; we (almost) sold our Gold Coast Apartment but decided not to in the end (have not been for two years to visit sadly because of circumstances and Covid 19); we are thinking and planning to take our house off this section and rebuild a brand new home in the same place (watch this space – maybe that’s a more long term goal of 5 years or so) and last but not least ….I’ve gained a considerable amount of weight (in my opinion….well…about 5kg all up over the past two years – 3 of those kg in the past few months and for no good reason).

The reason I have started blogging again is to work on diet and exercise and see if I can reduce my weight by 2 kg goal.  Putting in my actual weight is not necessary here …oh OK my weight is 57 kg currently – I will blog from time to time (maybe daily) for a while on my progress, my diet, my water intake and my exercise levels.  So stay tuned (I write this to myself because basically nobody can ‘stay tuned’ on this blog when I’ve turned all the Internet Search Engines off and nobody would find this blog in a millions years anyway!).  So in fact it kind of remains fairly private to myself and that is good and quite intentional.

Note to self – cut down sugar, drink more water, exercise more.  Stay off gluten and limit dairy.  Limit red meat.  These things are achieveable and most of them I do anyway.

Day one of my diet started today.  Its midday, I’ve been out foraging for my rabbits, now I will do some more foraging and an hours exercise on the treadmill at 3pm.  I’ve had zero to eat today so far but will have lunch soon.  I feel despondent today, the lack of sleep I’ve been getting no doubt contributing to the weight again.  Also I turn 50 years old next year so….well let’s face it – menopause will happen at some point and ageing naturally makes you gain weight.  Its important to stay active and do some weight bearing exercise as well as you lose muscle as you age.  I wonder often if its thyroid related or something but who knows….I must do my affirmations and stick ‘to the plan’.

What to have for lunch, I’m guessing eggs because that’s all there is until the groceries arrive.  And another few cups of water…getting older sucks.  Gone is that fast metabolism of youth!

Wendee's Visit of Oct 2018 see here with me and Brer Rabbit

Well welcome to the New Year 2019.  I am not sure what to say about 2018…good and bad.  Well for a start the good – I completed a course – a Young Adult Writers Course and also a Vet Assistant Course prior to that to complement my ongoing (though I stopped in midway 2017 for a little study break admittedly) previous Cert in Animal Science Level 2.  This year I carry on with Level 3 Animal Science Cert via Southern Institute of Technology again.  Also I carry on with my strala yoga, my regular fitness challenges I set via my two influencers / idols – Betty Rocker exercise challenges and Tara Stiles Yoga challenges…and regular walking daily.

My Property Brokers real estate admin job keeps me busy for the rest of the time.  It was wonderful to go to Australia Gold Coast again and do up / renovate our Apartment in July of last year which kept us all busy (as well my teen son got sick….maybe I’ve written about that already so I won’t repeat myself)

The bad of 2019 – well my son who turns 18 this month started missing classes at his Level 3 mechanical course, and also has had a few “run-ins’ so to speak with getting caught driving passengers on a restricted drivers licence; as well his work experience with Global Autoworks did not pan out due to his lack of attendance.  There is sadly much worry I haven’t written about with Jesse and his teenage boy phase….but that is the gist of it…. the concern of course is whether he will finish his Level 3 Auto Course or whether he won’t finish it solely due to his low attendance levels of 2018.  After much distress both about the driving thing and his classes I can only surmise that it is up to him now, his life, his choices.

Shaun is busy as usual with rural / lifestyle real estate right up to Christmas Day.  He stopped briefly for a day or so before starting again and new projects and now is in Sydney on a course.  My husband is a workaholic and that’s OK with  me.

My garden is a shocking mess now we are in Southern Hemisphere Summertime.  I just don’t have the hours to do it.  Today I’ll make the most of getting out there I hope.  I could do with earning some more money to help with my study fees though this year and as such if I can find some external gardening or other misc work, I may consider it for sure.

I have a few troubling health issues I won’t go into suffice to say I am “taking them into my hands and doing my best to cure them naturally”.  I don’t know if its just me or whether women are more prone to not liking going to the doctor than men and we seem to have so many more “women’s health checks” that sometimes it is sheer draining to keep on top of all our “checks”

I like this weather, I am a fan of Summer but I do struggle with the heat.  At the moment book-wise I’m reading a book about a girl raised in the Jehovah Witness faith called “Attic Alone” by A McGinley.  I’m also writing my own young adult novel but the theme has changed entirely from onset.

My Level 3 Animal Science Cert starts end Jan and by then I will be well ready to get into it.

I’m also looking for some animal centre part time work to complement my study (add a practical element somewhat) and to get a foot into that industry so to speak…the industry of vet clinics, catteries, boarding kennels, groomers etc.  My 1.5 years experience volunteering at Hawkes Bay Rabbit Rescue plus my ongoing animal science and vet assistant study should see in my favour I hope.  My small issue is keeping up with my Property Brokers real estate admin work while branching out into the animal industry at the same time.

I’ve also set up a Home Pet Sitting business but only have been offered work so far from staff at Property Brokers.  I hope this will enhance itself also this year and I need to make some concrete goals and plans towards all this.

It’s a year with many prospects.  I live in a little fear right now – health problems for me pop up periodically and I am a constant worrier about them….so let’s see how this year pans out.  I’ll write an update in a month or so.  My son turns 18 in a week; we head back to Australia in May 2019; I have new goals and new plans….as the saying goes, if it is to be, it is up to me.  Hello 2019…

Lounge

Kitchen

View from Balcony

Main Bedroom

Second bedroom

Ensuite bathroom

Second bathroom

So following on from my last post, here are a few pictures of the updated Gold Coast Apartment since we spent two weeks working hard on it with various other tradespeople.  We pretty much changed everything and attempted a blue and white beachy theme and I think its come out very well

Little visitors on our Balcony each morning

Last year we bought an Apartment in Mermaid Beach, Gold Coast and for the past two weeks have been renovating it here in Australia.  Originally it had quite an ’80′s look to it and we wanted to make it a beach theme – lots of blue and white.

Jesse successfully finished his first EIT level 2 Automotives course in June and is on holiday so we took him with us (prior to him starting his Level 3 course end July)

Shaun, Jesse and I have now, since 27 June, been in the Gold Coast working on our Apartment No 28 which is part of Spindrift Apartment Complex.  We have travelled around many furniture and home decor places…and bought blue and white themed stuff – new mattresses for the beds, new bedside lamps, coffee table, small table for beside the sofa, new gray sofa, TV cabinet, cushions, mirror for bedroom, beach scenes for the wall, blue and white crockery and some artificial plants.  We have had the tiles cleaned and the grouting re-done.  The electrician has installed a new fan and another one has moved the power points.  The blinds have been taken down to be washed, paintwork repaired on the walls (currently in progress)

Various tradespeople have been in and out, and a professional photographer will come tomorrow to re-take some new unit photos.  We also have new table and chairs now.  The aim of course is to bring the apartment up to scratch so people will want to rent it and stay in it.   The funds we gained from the rent already is what we used to re-do up this place.

So the entire apartment has been redone (or almost!).  It will be in few days time anyway.

On another angle, I have been writing a book (it will be a magic realism book for young teens with an element of adult fairytale mixed in….along the lines of Alice Hoffman but different to her style somewhat also – similar genre though and young adult target audience).  Writing a book is a new adventure for me and exciting as I have always loved reading and have an interest in the magic and mythical since my childhood fairytale reading days…. I always admittedly admired the life of Beatrix Potter and her propensity to be able to draw, write, paint and live rurally with an interest in farming and conservation of nature.  I have somewhat modelled my life around this woman to an extent over the years and it seems I am mirroring her in more than one way these days – from my rabbits, to my drawing and writing and countryside farming/living.

Since finishing my animal science cert I am also considering doing some pet-sitting for people, predominantly owners of rabbits and small companion animals and will put out some flyers for this upon our return to New Zealand

Shaun is busy busy both handling work stuff as well as renovations on this apartment.  Jesse has a new girlfriend for some months now which is exciting for him.  My goals include continuing strala yoga, and my new Dr Gundry approved diet (low lectin low gluten eating) which is always healthy, continuing light exercise and walks up Te Mata Peak and then of course my mum’s 80th birthday bash in August.  It’s all go and exciting times ahead.

So I write this here in Australia today (we have been here almost two weeks and leave for home on Wed morning)…2018 has been an exciting year with new goals, both personal and work and writing goals etc.  Lots happening, an exciting year overall.

EIT has been great for Jesse, he completed his Steiner School Cert Level 1 at the beginning of the year and could leave school for good, and going into Automotives was the best thing for him this year and now he has achieved a scholarship for Level 3 Automotives year long course ahead.  A downer for Jesse will be the dreaded braces on his teeth year’s end….but as its not cosmetic but simply a necessary thing for him due to impacted teeth problems and the like, its merely unavoidable.

I continue on with my gardening, animals, my new writing project, I’ve started a bit of drawing/sketching, and my new pet sitting project soon, strala yoga, Gundry eating plan etc …. this year has been a little different for sure.  Roll on the second half of 2018

Sun glimmers through the Redwoods at Te Mata Peak

It takes me by surprise my love of the seasons sometimes…I dread to think we are now in Winter as from yesterday.  I loved the Autumn walnut and apple picking, the smell of stewing up orchard-fresh apples with cinnamon, nutmeg, honey and dates.  The cool, crisp mornings, dewy and refreshing.  The golden harvest moon at night combined at dusk with a hickory smell as fires start to burn brightly in the homesteads throughout the small township, rural outskirt properties, and the local village nearby.

Sometimes I feel I live in a small paradise of my own..

This is the time when magic happens, when black cats with yellow eyes roam the night (mine included).  The haunting, melancholic call of the morepork shines out in the night, rain falls softly on the rooftops, the town’s night time cafes light up with night diners, and people finishing their shifts at work, popping in for warming hot chocolate and coffee.  To sit and ponder the day’s events, to unwind and relax.

Early mandarins start to ripen as June / Winter has hit now, the lemons will come later in a few months only.  The rosemary, as always my hardiest of herbs beckons me daily to come pick it, to put it on winter roast lamb and into morning omelettes.  If only the rest of the family were as rosemary-crazy as I, perhaps I would use it more often.  But even if I don’t use it much, just keeping it on the windowsill is enough of a reminder that I have an ample supply of the stuff.

Wandering through the next door neighbour’s orchard picking up ground apples for the pigs, the wild rabbits suddenly look up, alert to my presence.  Wild rabbits abound our place and the neighbour’s orchard, understandably so – we have lush green Autumn grass in the paddock now and apples – both from our apple tree and the neighbour’s orchard entice and feed these beautiful creatures.  They speak to me in a silent language that yet I understand.  I tell them “I won’t harm you, be at peace with me…” and so they are.  Their beautiful, soulful eyes look at me and understand what is safe and what is not.  Their instinctive fight or flight nature calms and they sit and observe me from their perceived safe distance a few feet away.

My black sage pot and witch brooms next to the door, the brooms used generally to sweep leaves from the porch concrete and grass, gives a Halloween look somehow to our place, especially when my black cat sits next to them.  This was quite an unintentional bonus.

My vege garden, smelling sweetly with new silverbeet and spinach, lemon balm, parsley, spring onions and herbs of coriander, oregano, and chamomile, not to mention my sweet-smelling slug/snail bait trays…start to struggle a little more with the lack of warmth and my garden will go into hibernation soon, cowering under frost coverings at night.  Perhaps planting some Blue Lupin may work for a winter green crop to brighten it up.

I’m thinking of trying to plant Garlic this June….if anything I won’t have any Vampires I suppose but then again, what is a Halloweeny “look” without a vampire, a witch, a black cat, sage pot and millet brooms – most of these I unintentionally already have, maybe this is why I’m always reminded of Halloween somehow when I walk out the back door.  Not to mention the cooler weather, dark moody skies, soft rainfall, spicy food cooking in pots, the smell of cinnamon and apples… and full moons hovering above.

Lately I am into spray painting my dried Agapanthus a silvery colour and then I will put them into a vase with fairy lights strung around them.  I long to buy lanterns, light my tea candles at night, put on home made soup to simmer in the crockpot… and create an atmosphere of warmth and coziness to match the cooler seasons.

Scarlet, yellow and golden leaves fall from the trees outside creating a haven of golden brown hues, mellow yellows, reds, tarnished oranges and auburns over the grass.  Pulling on snug clothing, gloves, warm shirts, Ugg boots and scarves to go outside and collect wood, feed sheep, cuddle my soft, fluffy rabbits feels wonderful to me.

When I was young I was a dreamer and a loner… I imagined my life, my future and my present life were filled with simple pleasures – long walks down to the river, and around the farm, animals and solitude.  I already lived in the countryside and I used that to my full advantage somehow, the quietness of farm and country life fed my soul, and my dreamy state was intensified because of the vast rural atmosphere where I spent my childhood days.  I didn’t need friends and I had only a few.

My pleasures were few – books, alone time, reading copious fairytales and other books, magic and nature.  I made fairy gardens out of petals and somehow, even though I never told my mother, the next day I would race out and find golden, shiny coins under my fairy garden petals.  My mother was always “astonished” when I raced in to show her my latest “golden fairy coin” discovered from underneath a petal – though of course she obviously had planted them under the petals in the first place!  How she got them shined up so well, I’ll never know to this day.  Was it a secret white vinegar recipe perhaps?  I’m intent on trying myself one day.  My grandmother also would tell me of fairies who lived at the bottom of her garden in all seriousness and of course, I believed her.  And she knew it too!

My mother had an elaborate book of the most intricate fairytales, but these weren’t just ordinary short fairytales….this book contained stories that were almost book-length and went into full detail – descriptive and imaginative stories from everything from Alice in Wonderland to the Snow Goose, the Selfish Giant, Thumbelina, Rapunzel, and so many more.  Also her books like Beatrix Potter’s Tale of Peter Rabbit fueled my desire even more to create a fairytale life for myself somehow.

Growing up in nature, owning pet rabbits and cats from an early age and hearing stories of Elves, Gnomes, Fairies and “animals that talked” in the Beatrix Potter Tales was not an unusual thing for a country child….but for me, I lived within the stories being told.  I didn’t listen from the ‘outside’….when my mother read to me such books, I became captivated inside the story itself.  This still happens when I read.  I become part of the story, not reading it from the outside…but actually living within the story that I am reading.  This feeling fostered in me a love of books from a very early age onwards.

I imagined my life getting married, still living in the countryside in a cottage with a white picket fence, some animals and a child or two.  Having a garden – both flower and herb/vege gardens, a checkered tablecloth on the table,  vase of fresh flowers on the windowsill, smells of home baking in the oven, a roast cooking, my small family coming home each night.  The warm, cozy atmosphere of a simple country life and family.  Somehow that came to fruition for me.  I now have the white picket fence and gate, I have the husband and child, I have fruit trees, a vege garden, rabbits and cats, flowers, the checkered tablecloth and crochet throws.  A puzzle sits patiently waiting to be finished on the coffee table.

Books sit waiting to be read by the fire, magicky novels and others.  Stories that create visions in my mind – giving me their stories as well as the one I’m actually living.  I don’t know why I am always into magical and mythical books – but somehow the presence of such books fits in with my introvert and nature lifestyle.

Is this my dream coming to fruition for me.  Is my next dream to fulfill somehow my urge to write such books myself?  Also my urge to be around animals in any which way I can whether this be pet-sitting which I am working on…or some other avenue in the animal industries of vets, animal centres, SPCA and the like.  I have goals and aspirations – small ones but goals all the same.  These keep me going forward.  We all must have them, we all must keep track of our goals as life moves on whether we like life moving on or not, its going to do so, so we may as well be ready.

Walks through Te Mata Peak lately, the majestic Redwoods hovering lazily above me, welcoming me as one of their own somehow as I wander aimlessly through them.  They tell me that all is going to be OK, they tell me not to stress and worry because all is well when I’m with them.

The solitary and peaceful nature of walking through Redwoods in Autumn is the most brilliant feeling, restoring my Soul, creating a beautiful, meditative trance caused by nature, quietness and serenity mixed together as one.  Fantails call out and fly around me, the soft call of nearby sheep and cows, a lone Tui cries out.  A dog barks somewhere in the distance but yet all I hear …. is peace.  All I hear…. is my soul saying “you are home now and all is going to be OK…”.

This is undoubtedly where I belong.  This is my peace and sanctuary.  I’m living it.  I’m actually living my childhood dream..